Calling the Folks...

Wednesday, June 18, 2008 (late afternoon)

We now knew what Dave had. It was Cancer. Multiple Myeloma. I learned it was a blood cancer. In the same family as Leukemia and Lymphoma. I later learned it was an "orphan disease", comprising only 1% of all diagnosed Cancers and 14% of the blood cancers. Dave would begin treatment immediately with a pill. We later learned it was considered "chemo", more precisely, "oral chemo". At the time we were like, "whew! no chemo!" Ignorance is bliss.

Ok, so back to his parents. They live in Florida, retired. Dave's mother is a consummate worrier. She'll worry about things no one else would give a thought too. She is fearful, anxious, and always thinks the worst. Dave's father is a bit more grounded, but he, although stoic and seemingly to have command of most situations, is a softy and has been known to be emotional. Both are "doers" though and will work through their issues and "help".  However, I wasn't looking forward to this conversation. Honestly, I had enough to deal with, with Dave. I just didn't know if I could take anyone else's issues right now. But they needed to know and I already felt horrible that we had waited, but again, I felt confident that since we didn't know anything, it was better to wait. Now we knew and we needed to tell them. There was no reasonable justification to delay any further, it needed to be done.

Surprisingly, Dave was stalling. I was really taken aback actually. I wasn't expecting him to not want to tell them. I thought honestly he was just waiting, sanely, until we knew something certain, and that I was there with him so we could tell them together over the phone. So both criteria had been met and he was stalling. "No, not yet, their eating dinner now." "No, let's wait until we are done eating dinner." Etc., etc. After about an hour I said, "Dave, you're stalling. We need to call them. I'm going to call them right now. I'll tell them and then you can talk to them." GULP.

I had just had a lengthy phone conversation with Dave's mother night before last and didn't tell her I was going to California. She had tried to reach Dave and assumed he was busy on his Las Vegas business trip. I agreed that he was probably busy. All the while, I know he's in a hospital room in California with preliminary diagnosis of cancer. It was a very hard conversation for me. As I mentioned earlier, I'm an open book, a high disclosure kind of person. Its not in my character to withhold such things.

I get them both on the phone, of course they know something is wrong right away in that request. There is no other way to do it. I tell them I'm in California and Dave is in the hospital. He's OK I say, right away. But...

There is silence on the phone from his mother the entire time I'm talking. Not a word. His Dad was engaged and asking questions, talking and listening. I did my best to instill my optimism on how things would ultimately turn out. But I knew, for his mother, there was absolutely nothing I could say or do to calm her fears. I was helpless. I handed the phone to Dave.

He cried. It was short. It was hard. It totally SUCKED. It was done.